Once in a while you receive a mail from a total stranger who thinks she has the right to tell you, how you should live your life... Most of the times, it doesn't affect me.. Because at the age of 35, if I can't make my own decisions, then I am a failure.. However, my blood boils when I get mails that is full of contradictory messages.
This lady wrote to me 5 months ago.
"Nina, your posts are getting more and more diffcult to read. Gosh, you have a "telescopic periscopic" memory. Do try and remember happy times with your mom. Surely there are many. The pressures she was under are huge. Nina, for your kids sake, kiss and make up. Life is too short ".
I ignored the mail as she has a right to say what she wants to.
But today she send me another mail
"Hi, Nina,
Writing to you after a long time. HAve been reading all your blogs. I simply shake my head when i read them. I don't think one can decide which of your parents was the most irresponsible--your father or your mother. They seem to have used each of you, especially you, against the other. I am almost convinced your mother may have some psychiatric disorder. Which other mother can offer up a sweet inncocent child to a child molester? And then still be totally oblivious to it? I would have wrung the man's neck if anyone harmed my kids. And strung him up in the town square.
Though almost all your posts are filled with great sadness on your mother's negligence, I thik i have read some very tender snippets as well which come through. A mother feeding her grils with"one more urula" like an Amma kili. Surely she had some redeeming qualities. I have heard of great dysfunction but never "seen" it up so close. i certainly do not want to be your "Amen " corner like some who read your blog are. However, i do encourage you to PLEASE contact and be in relationship with your mother atleast again. She , all said and done , is your mother. Maria--good riddance, i would say. I can't believe there are sisters like this. I have one-- and we are thick as thieves.
I realise you will not reply. But I hope you are settling down very well into beautiful canada and loving this wonderful country.
I wish you well, Nina."
Why do people think that, I should live my life according to their terms? Is it a crime to live my life in my terms?
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7 comments:
People can continue to suggest and tell, but it's your decision. You are the person experiencing it. You know best, so do what you feel like doing.
obviously our life is ours...we live according to our terms...but jus wondering, when we maintain a public blog aren't we giving the world the freedom to comment? I am not saying that it's right that anyone suggests how you live...but isn't it an occupational hazard of maintaining a blog?
Geetha: True
Tinkerbells: occupational hazard?? You must be joking!..
here is a lady, who is telling me that my sister who is my blood relative is good riddance and at the same time preaching me that I should speak to my mother.. That isn't occupational hazard.. That is stupidity.. because most people live in a perfect world and don;t even see their own inadequacy, yet claim the right to preach!
Freedom to comment comes with responsibility.. You will have to practice what you preach!
I guess this stranger maybe a mother herself who may have made some mistakes in her bringing up of her children and hopes so much that her children won't feel like you do and would forgive her instead.
Ah the illusion that the world is perfect kind
dear like geetha said -you're the one living ur life - so its ur choice - don't let anyone decide what you should do
I kind of agree with you in that there are so many readers of your blog everyday who are even trying to see your past as your present.
In reading it day after day I long for a post saying "happily ever after". For a reader the demarcation of "this is Sarah's life" gets erased with "this is a story".
So some of us are probably trying to make it better for you by giving you unwanted advices.
I absolutely respect your feelings, I think with the lady's letter to you, we all probably have to understand even though we might want to act like God and tweak Sarah's life here and there - she is not a character but a living person who is going thro a lot.
Guess its becoming a relationship between u and us and we are taking up the freedom in the relationship :)
As a person who reads ur post every single day even during vacation, if I have ever hurt you with my comments, I am truly sorry -
Wishing you all the best Sarah ! Happy Holidays ! Take care.
I wonder if that is not some one who know you so well or someone you know very very well ?
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