Mother's day is here. Everyone around here is buying flowers and cards and I know you are just a phone call away.
But would I call you?
Would I be able to forgive you for all that you have done?
Would I forgive you for not being there when I just needed you?
Would I forgive you for manipulating me all these years, knowing very well that I would always forgive, because you are my mother?
Would I forgive you for all the vengeful things you have done and said?
Would I fotgive you for all the curses you have cursed me all these years?
Would I forgive you for turning my kids against me?
Would I mother?
May be not. I know you will die one day and I may not get a chance to wish you again..but how can I wish you, when I don't want even want to be on the same side of the planet that you are in?
May be we will be mother and daughter in our next life.. May be we will make it work..but this life we blew our chances mother.. You and I, we together blew it.
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ann I know wht you are saying. I hv always forgiven mother because I was worried that, should anything happen to her, I would regret not doing enough, by not forgivng..Eventually I learned that she knew exactly how to get me.. but the last straw was when she tried to turn my own kids against me and told her I am a lousy mother and they would be happy with her...I just can't forgive her for that
Sarah,
This is so sad to note that there is so much of bitterness between u & ur mom. I pray God to join u both together & have a loving life together cos it is the one of the best relationships in this world.
Sounds very much like my story too. Guess we're on the same boat.
has to be me: believe me i tried..but she just won't let me live my life in my terms.
Pushpa: Most people would never imagine, there can be mothers who can be so vengeful..I had to travel across the continents so her vicious tentacles won't reach me.
I can imagine the trauma you have gone through and I know it might have scarred you also.But just wish you get alot of love from this world and that your kids grow up to love you as much as u do them
Happy Mother's day(belated ;) )
You know one of my friends once said, " when you are a kid, you think your parents can never do anything wrong, but there will be a time when everybody realises our own parents do a lot of things wrong and they keep on doing it...
but you just know it and thats when you really become an adult"
Sarah, I can really understand this. I have gone thru something similar when my mom tried to turn my brothers against me. That too when my brothers are much younger and I treat them like my own kids.
It was a total shock and it took me timt to recover from it, I think it happens when our moms shed their mom-coat and become a typical jealous woman. Also,my mom was under quite a number of stress during that time. You know Saraha, when you reach a certain age and when moms reach a certain age,then we have to be adults and they turn like babies...at least thats what i have seen. not everyone but some.
But you know I was my moms favourite kid!She would know a slight change in my voice. She has done soo many things she absolutely HATED just for me,she wont normally do. I do understand it might be a total different exp for you.
But, do one thing, write down 10 things you love about her. You dont have to call her.But I dont you to keep the hate in your heart.
I hope I am not interfering. Just as a friend.
Lg: I tried..really did. But honestly, there isn't a thing that I love abt her. I had to take the mothering of my youngest sisters when i was 12, because she didn't want to raise them. I raised my sisters, I cooked for them, earned the money. How many kids in India could earn their own money when they are 14?
She was selfish beyond imagination. I shouldered her responsibility, yet i was never good enough for her. She always turned my sisters against me.. that I accepted. But my kids.. they are mine..how can she turn them against me, their own mother?
I tried forgiving her..for all the times, she never gave me food, for all the times i slept hungrily, for all the time she locked me out of the house. But I have reached that point, where even forgiveness lost the meaning.
Oh! Sarah!...
Then I think your mom needs or needed serious help! I mean it, really!
I just compiled what you had written about her..just like that.
There is no way I could raise my kids the way my mom raised me... ie without prejudice
I am known to hv slept through an earth quake(6 on ritcher scale!!). I woke up to find the whole town in a buzz of activity and only realized i slept through a major earthquake, after my frantic mom called me to find out if i am alive...
My ever concerned mother thought it is better that I be not told about his death,lest i get worried and fall ill. Her justification,"you live in Canada,on the other side of the planet,we can't even take a plane and be with you on the same day, if anything happens to you"
Now i am beginning to act like my own mother. when i asked her wht is her plans for the new year, abt 15 yrs ago. She tilted her head to one side and sighed"oh wht is a new year..it is just another day!!!!' This new year when my kids asked me I said the same dialogue without even realizing. Then it dawned to me, damn I am morphing in to wht i thought ws the worst of my mother and my kids would be thinking the same way abt me.
Thanks Lg..when the hatred was overwhelming..you just showed a light..This morning I just wanted to kill my mother..now not so much.. thank you. I don't love her..but I am trying not to hate her..and U hv indeed showed a way!!I was too blind to see it
Sarah
its such a love hate relationship - i see u giving so much love n receiving only hate
even in ur darkest moments you have said lovely stuff on ur mom
there will always be similarities -
even if u could forgive ur mom - i dont think id forgive anyone who could be so cruel to a person - trying to turn her own children against her? dear god
i finally understand y u left
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