Did I spoil your chance?

The following excerpts is part of a comment someone left in my favourite blog My Thinkpad.

There is one more issue which caught my attention in this post is her(Sonia) decision to remain unemployed even after such a good academic qualification. People like her actually spoiling other people’s chances. I’ve seen many girls do their professional courses only to get good groom in the marriage market. If this is their ultimate aim, why don’t they do some home-science courses which will help them in their future and thus leave the limited seats in the professional courses to the people who really want to do something in those fields.

First of all, this is not a personal attack on anyone.

The above comment was hurting me, Because I felt that since I am now a stay at home mother, instead of practicing medicine, I have been accused of spoiling someone else's chance of becoming a doctor.

I went to a professional college to study. But Did I spoil someone else's chance?

How dare someone say that, my dream to be a doctor was to get a good groom in the marriage market?
Whatever makes people think that, once you enter a professional college, life becomes beautiful automatically?
It takes hours of studies every single day, sleepless nights, no free weekends , emotional and mental torture by the seniors and professors almost everyday, morning rounds, evening rounds and in between all these, writing and clearing the exams for four years before you get the medical degree.
Once you get the degree in hand, headaches are still not over. Nobody wants a simple MBBS degree. You need to do specialization, that involves more studies, more exams to write.
And then comes the marriage part. Of course a female doctor with a master's degree has lots of demand! In fact our nearest competitor for a suitable boy is a home science graduate girl with 2 million rupees in the bank. ( By the time most of us finish studying for a professional degree, our parents will be sinking in debts!! Remember One text book alone costs around 600 Rs!)


When I finished medicine, I was excited. I didn't mind the long hours, the double duties, triple duties or even the low pay. I did my internship in a hospital in Bangalore that refused to pay junior doctors. Gaining a good experience was not equivalent to earning a good income.
I enjoyed my job and the challenges that came along with it.

Then came motherhood!

Suddenly I was faced with the dilemma of leaving my babies with a stranger while I worked in the hospital taking care of sick babies. When my babies were sick, I couldn't take care of them. That was not fair to me or my children. My children needed me. I was not willing to make that sacrifice for my patients. Was I thinking of only myself? Yes I was. My family is more important to me.
I gave up my work because my family's needs are more important to me than my patients needs. My patients can always find another doctor, where will my children find another mother?

Previous Prime minister of Malaysia is a medical doctor, so is his wife. Dr. Mahathir made more difference to the lives of Malaysians as a leader than as a doctor. Did he deprive another Malaysian a chance of becoming a doctor? I certainly don't think so.
I didn't take any one's chance. I took my chance. I did what I want to do with my life. I wanted to be a doctor and I did it.
I want to be a mother now and I am doing it.
I may not heal anyone anymore. But I am making a difference in my children's lives. I have a right to make that choice. I wouldn't want anyone to say that if a woman gives up her career, she is a loser, she is selfish, she took away someone else's chance or she only did it to get a good marriage proposal.
She does it, because she wants to and respect her for that.